Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
