matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
