I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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