what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
