I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
