what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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