The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
