Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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