Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
