White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
