sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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