I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
