...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
