He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
