In the future we'll all be gay
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
