i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
