It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
