theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
