How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
