Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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