my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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