her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
