Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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