I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
