If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
