How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
