PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
