Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
