Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
