she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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