My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
