Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
