So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
