Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
