It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
