A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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