someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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