haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
