escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
