belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize