not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i drank out of a bidet.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I didn't notice because vodka
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
