My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize