I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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