i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
