I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
two words...techno handjob
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
