meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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