woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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