just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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