I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
