I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
