this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
