I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
