if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
