So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
