Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
