Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
