If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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