You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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