So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im holly from the hills drunk
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
