I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
