Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
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