wakey wakey hands off snakey
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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