Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
