you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize