she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
