P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
