I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
