After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
