drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
