I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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