im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
