I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
